So you’ve finally signed up for WordPress and posted your first blog entry. How do you make sure your listicles, Star Trek: Discovery fan fiction, and twee observations about everyday life get the Google rankings they deserve? Just follow these SEO tips and you’ll be #1 in no time!
1) Write a good headline (or “metatitle” as it’s called in the biz). “What Do I Do if My Baby Falls on Its Head?” is not only wordy, but depressing as hell. “WHAT DO BABBY FALL ON HED?” has that sense of urgency and “call to action” that will compel the click of even the most distracted internet user!
2) Write a good summary (or “metadescription”) of your article. “Babby fall on hed? Here what do avoid jail. Any search results above this one were posted by Islamic terrorists.”
3) Disparage the competition. Clever readers may have noticed an extra line in the “metadescription” above. Anything you can do to boost search results is fair game in the SEO business! (How do you keep other bloggers from pulling this same trick on you? Simple! In the “author” field, put “Sophie Weissfeld, not an Islamic terrorist.”)
4) Be sure to fill out the keyword field. True, Google announced years ago that keywords don’t matter, and the odds are that your WordPress module doesn’t even have a keyword field. But you can get around this by screen-printing your admin page, crossing out the “bookmarklet” header and substituting “keywords,” carefully writing the keywords you’ve chosen for the article, and then scanning your printout and forwarding the PDF to the WordPress help desk. Here are some suggestions for that “babby” post:
ryan seacrest Trump small penis nuclear cialis barely legal luther 96 theses mexican donkey sex sex sex emancipation proclamation big boobs make money at home babby fall hed what do fools fall in love
5) Find a good illustration. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, there are literally thousands of pictures of babies falling on their heads, all of them available for free with a right-click of your mouse or touchpad. Just be sure to credit the image to yourself, so you don’t get into any trouble!
6) Promote your article. Less-competent SEO professionals will advise you to link to your blog from your own Facebook page and try to get “likes” and “shares.” What in-the-know experts recommend, however, is posting your content on other peoples’ Facebook feeds, preferably in a URL attached to a comment on an unrelated thread. Try it and see the kind of response you get!
Ready to go? Feeling confident? Good luck, and enjoy your newfound Google success!
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